he don't understand he's worth it
by xxXTheySayI'mEvilXxx
Summary: Some days, he didn't want to get up. He'd sit in bed, just thinking about things. All the fake smiles. Fake laughs. Fake Fake Fake. It was like a movie, he supposed. Nobody was like this in a movie. They were happy, and so cheerful. Not like him.


Warnings: abuse, self-hate, depressing fourth-wall breaking.

* * *

Some days, he didn't want to get up.

He'd sit in bed, staring at the walls of the dorm, just thinking about things.

All the fake smiles.

Fake laughs.

 _Fake Fake Fake._

It was like a movie, he supposed. Nobody was like this in a movie. They were happy, and so _cheerful._

Not like him.

Yes, that was him perfectly. Just like a character projected on a screen. Nobody ever cared. Nobody ever thought he was hurting underneath.

 _[He just kept smiling. Laughing and smiling.]_

Even as others were down. He watched, as they were struggling, putting on that mask and just _laughing_ and _smiling,_ because that's what his father told him to do. Just _laugh_ and _smile._

 _[It's what a prince is supposed to do.]_

* * *

He walks in the room. A giant _smile_ is on his face but it's so _fake_ and his face hurts.

People are sitting there—watching him and his _fake smile—_ as he sits and _smiles_ at the teacher, with such a grin that makes the teacher forget that he didn't do his homework because his father was yelling and screaming and scolding over the phone on how he should be _better._

He should be perfect, like every other person in this place.

 _[But he isn't.]_

They don't understand. _They_ live with families that adore them, with parents that care and love and cherish them like they are the gods.

 _[He feels the bruises sting from just thinking about how perfect they are.]_

They hurt and hurt so much he can't sit still, and the scars itch so much that he can't pay attention to anything. He asks to copy his partner's notes, but the boy just glares. Why didn't you pay attention? He sneers. Of course because you're on top of the world and you use us like slaves.

And he is confused. Yes, he asks to copy homework sometimes, but not every day! He only does it because he can't focus and the scars are nagging him, he just has to itch it because it _stings._

The teacher called on him to answer a question. He realizes he's been stuck in his world of fear and hurt so long he didn't realize the teacher was telling them something entirely new and he had _no idea_ how to answer.

He freezes in his seat, and the teacher taps the yardstick she was using on his desk.

 _[It sounded so much like that wooden spoon...]_

Thinking was not an option. Time itself froze as he heard his father's voice. _A failure._

The teacher is speaking, telling him he's _failing_ the assignment. He's a _failure._

He's startled now by the loud smack of the yardstick against his desk and he's _bawling_ and _crying_ and _begging _she won't hurt him.

 _[That's only what everyone does, because he's just a useless waste of space.]_

They're taking him somewhere and he's completely out of it, so numb he can't feel the teachers guiding him to wherever they are going. Probably to the headmistress's office so he can be suspended for being such a _failure_ and make his father even angrier.

But there's no large office, no bippity-boppity-boo and bright (possibly fake) smile. There's a lady with a _real_ smile, one that doesn't make her face split in two because it's small but it's real.

 _[They're probably trying to force him to be happy, fix him because he's so broken.]_

But the lady sits down with him and hands him a cup. He knows it's going to do something bad but he drinks it anyway, only surprised when it clears his senses.

The woman smiles again and he recognizes her as the school counselor. It's okay, she soothes. She's trying to calm him, so he doesn't throw a _fit_ and make these people look bad.

He said that out loud and the lady's smile drops. She tells him it's okay, it's okay not to be perfect. She was locked up away from humanity and forced to believe she was a monster and was _evil_ and it always hurt. He suddenly figures out who she is and the crying fit is coming again because maybe she's not all perfect she doesn't know what _this_ feels like. She doesn't understand because her parents still had _loved her_.

 _[It's just like a movie. They want to make him better so he isn't erased off the screen.]_

* * *

He finds her, the next day. The one person in the world who is like him.

She's going away soon, a trip on vacation and he feels like she's being erased from the screen because she's not the person they want. They want a snob, which is certainly not what she is.

He can't help but jump in the limo and go home (his mother was the only one that could make things better) much to his father's disgrace. Everything starts hurting again. That ache, from old scars and recent ones. The bed dips under his weight as he sits there, eyes blinking tears.

 _[He's worthless, nothing, because nobody ever likes him and they always put him down and make fun of him.]_

He feels just so _done._ So done with everything.

* * *

One day, he runs into _them._ They know what pain is like. They begin to slowly heal him, finally knowing someone else with his problem.

 _[But yet they aren't worthless like him. They aren't hated like him.]_

When he brings up he subject, scared, they merely shrug it off. They tell how their parents yelled at them and told them they were worthless.

But they never said about anything physical.

So he brushes it aside, acts perfect like he should. Because no one knows what he goes through, and they don't need to.

He takes the bus that day, forgets the limo waiting to pick him up and gives no plea when his father smacks him across the face.

He just endured it, like a perfect person. He just goes to school the next day because his father reminds him that _it never happened_. So it didn't.

Walking into school, being swooned at, its all so easy.

Pretending to be perfect when he's hurting? Easy.

Taking abuse and hatred from _them_? Piece of cake.

Keeping it all under covers? So _easy._

He doesn't break, doesn't let anyone see after _that_ incident. To everyone else, nothing happened.

Nothing ever happened.

 _[Because to the world, Chad Charming is perfect.]_


End file.
